How often do you ask for what you need? And how often are you invited to offer your gifts? That’s what happened at the Bowen In Transition meeting last week. The focus for the evening was a Gift Circle. But we didn’t come bearing gifts.
In the first round, we shared what we might offer as gifts – gifts of time, expertise, goods, and hands-on help. This was followed by a round of asking for what we’d like to receive - assistance or advice, or things we needed. Once we had our list, we approached those with whom we wanted to share the giving and receiving and made it happen - without an exchange of money.
The idea for Gift Circles came out of the Gift Economy experience in Eugene, Oregon, and economic initiatives around the world put forward by visionaries, such as Lewis Hyde, Charles Eisenstein and Riane Eisler. Sometimes called the Caring Economy, this approach to the economy focuses less on money and more on relationship. And that is what we discovered at the Gift Circle. We gave and we received because we cared, not because we were being paid.
Many of us were reticent at first. It’s not easy to ask for what you need. And at this busy time of year, one gets concerned about doing too much. The hardest part was thinking about what we might give – something we’re good at, something we have too much of, something that others might value. The selection of gifts was varied and generous: offers to do personal income tax returns, to share expertise about bookmaking, to give massage, to teach meditation, offers of rides, typing from a fast typist, garden veggies from an abundant garden, cooking classes, Healing Touch, Tai Chi classes, networking advice, listening, accommodation for guests, and the loan of a painting from someone who has too many.
The second round was where we got to ask for what we needed. “Asking for help builds our muscle as a community,” said Dave Pollard, and we boldly went forth and made our requests. The wants included: a partner to attend yoga classes, a partner for fast walking, help learning garage band (a few people wanted to do this and they’re going to learn together) composting advice, help with window cleaning, help with house painting, help with a business strategy, and social visits to someone who is recuperating.
Jackie Bradley told me she was nervous about going to the Gift Circle. “Saying what I had to give and wanted to receive felt difficult to do. But I went and I loved it. Everybody sharing their gifts and wants was heartwarming and it felt like the whole experience brought us all closer. I got the satisfaction of being able to contribute to others, and as if that wasn’t enough, I came home with a wonderful gift that I hadn’t even known I wanted: Pauline is going to write a song for me and my garden. I am thrilled.”
Writing songs is something I’m compelled to do, and I had offered to write someone a song and sing it on their birthday. When Jackie approached me and said her birthday had come and gone, I suggested we think of another event. Jackie is an avid gardener so she imagined a tea party, during raspberry season: friends will come by, pick raspberries, have tea, and enjoy the song. I look forward to visiting her garden often for inspiration.
One of the other gifts I offered was to show someone how to make chèvre – a wonderful soft cheese made from goat milk. Shasta Martinuk came dashing over to tell me she had always wanted to make goat cheese and she also secretly wants to own a goat. This could lead to much adventure. For Shasta, the circle was “a deeply satisfying exercise in community building. There was such a happy and purposeful buzz in the air as people went around connecting needs with requests, and I felt as if I knew everyone better by the end of the circle. This is a perfect example of the sharing economy at work!” she declared.
Bowen In Transition is one of 450 officially accredited Transition Town initiatives committed to making the world more resilient and sustainable, starting at the local level. As a group, we had been talking about the Gift Economy; last week we had the opportunity to experience it first hand, just before the commercial onslaught that accompanies this time of year. We went home with smiles, newly begun friendships and treasured gifts. I look forward to Tai Chi lessons in the winter, a new painting, and a caring person to listen to me whine/plan/dream.
Merry Solstice/Christmas/Hanukah!
